Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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