i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
