I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
