I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Your cock deserves a montage
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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