Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i love accidental penises.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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