I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
