No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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