So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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