All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
