So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
