Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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