Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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