Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
