I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
