zippers are such a cool invention
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize