Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
