I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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