My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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