if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
