mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
