Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry porn_star hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(720): View more from Colorado

Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

Fav 26 5543 914
share tweet
(224): View more from Illinois

Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.

Fav 9 3843 1725
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...

Fav 34 4658 1640
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?

Fav 10 4763 1945
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.

Fav 16 6002 1169
share tweet
(207): View more from Maine

He violated my cat. I was not impressed.

Fav 22 1256 6130
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(734): View more from Michigan

im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...

Fav 60 2916 6707
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(619): View more from California

The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.

Fav 24 2199 886
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(701): View more from North Dakota

I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...

Fav 0 23 33
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT