as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
