I need to stop coming to work sober
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize