Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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