this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize