that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
