Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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