sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
