Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
