I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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