I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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