dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
