I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
