If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
