i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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