Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
