Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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