i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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