My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
