My sheets look like a crime scene.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
