I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
