Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
