Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
