Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
