Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
