I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You pole danced in your parka.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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