girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
