What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
