Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
