No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
