She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
