my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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