My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize