Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
