I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
