Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
