Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
