I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
