I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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