Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Welp...herpes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
