oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
