found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
