and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
