woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My dick has a subreddit
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
