so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
ok first of all what the fuck
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
