Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
