just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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