Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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