Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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