if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
